I, Russell, get to
do the first post!
A little bit about
me. I am the stunningly handsome, ridiculously smart, and super strong Alpha
Dog of the pack. I found my forever-home six years ago when I was adopted by
Alpha Male and the Monster Wrangler, and so we don't know what breed mix I am.
All the humans think I'm part Jack Russell and part Fox Terrier, but I'm pretty
stinkin' sure I'm part Grey Wolf and part totally-way-cooler-than-Ollie German
Shepherd. I am ruffly around 7 years old, and I was just recently diagnosed
with cancer. I go in to surgery (whatever that is) to have the cancer removed.
Tails crossed they're able to remove it without any problems. Someone's gotta
be around to teach Ollie, my far less pawsome brother.
Ollie is a totally
crazy, insane, and…individual…Brittany Spaniel. Much like his owner, the crazy
Whirrer. They're always saying that owners look just their doggy companions,
but where are the tails?? The Whirrer's the only human I know with tails, and they're
not even from her bum! They come out her tummy, chest, and turf marker. She
has, like, eight tails! Anyways, Ollie is a pawfectly healthy 1 year old pup.
Alpha Male is always calling him 'Ollie the Destroyer'. He's also known as
"You Dog", "Bubble Brain", and "Dumb Dog Dos"
(pronounced 'dose'). I think 'Bird Brain' is more appropriate, honestly. He
even runs into the invisible force field between us and the Forbidden Land
(forbidden because Alpha Mom does NOT like having us dogs inside. Apparently,
running wildly about the house, seeking out the bad guys and marking to make
sure no dog can waltz in and claim this turf his, is NOT okay). We've only had
him about a year. He loves following me around. No matter what I do, I can't
shake him! When he was a much smaller puppy, I would run back and forth over
and over again from one side of our yard to the other. After doing that a few
times, Ollie would run out of energy and would be too tired to follow me. Now,
he follows me close, snout pretty much up my bum. The duties of the Alpha Dog
aren't all pork chops and bacon, you know.
Now, on to our best
buds for life and owners, the Whirrer and the Monster Wrangler. Why is she
called the Whirrer? Because she's ALWAYS making this whirring sound. She has a
bunch of tails connected to the source of the whirring. All I know, is that
without the whirring, the Whirrer would not be alive. She and Ollie are two
shakes of a tail. Both have super curly fur (But humans only have fur on their
heads! Weird...), both have bright, wide-with-curiosity eyes, both LOVE to
play, and both are absolutely insane! The Whirrer is learning a new language-I
think I heard her say German. All I know is she does NOT sound like a German
Shepherd. Although, I get this odd urge to follow her commands when they're in
this German…There is one German word I know-Mahlzeit! That
means…FOOOOOOOOODDDDD time. And HOT DOG time! Dang it, I'm getting drool all
over the abominable attention-stealer.
The Monster Wrangler
is MY human, and I love her more than I love food! Even more than HOT DOGS!!!
She knows JUST how to drive Ollie crazy, which scores even more pork chop
points with me because he is the master at annoying! Ollie loves it, though. So
really, annoyingness is lost on this bird brain. Now, the Monster Wrangler is
called so because she knows JUST how to control the loud (and SCARY)
Grass-Guzzler. The creature growls louder than the giant metal birds that are
always zooming across the sky and spits grass at you if you try to scare it
away from your human! I don't like the Grass-Guzzler. But the Monster
Wrangler-boy, she sure knows her stuff! She always smells like yumminess. I
love giving her kisses. The Whirrer NEVER tastes like food unless she puts on
something they call Burt's Beeswax. Which I don't get. Maybe it's made of
squished bees. But the Whirrer swells up when she gets too close to bees. All I
know is it tastes WONDERFUL. Then she tastes like the plant growing all around
the prickly-trees that I love to lay in. Back to my human, she's gone most of
the day (from WAYYYYYY before the Sun wakes up to when the Sun is getting ready
for bed!), which I really don't like. This place they call 'Skool' is not on my
pork chop points list. But when she can, she makes sure to come tell me how
much she loves me and lets me give her kisses before Mr. Bird Brain gets to
her. Of course, the Whirrer helps keep Ollie pinned in the corner so the
Monster Wrangler can pay attention to me.
So, when you are
only able to type with your nose, typing things like The Whirrer and the
Monster Wrangler gets to be really hard. So I'll call them TW and TMW. Don't
forget!
I think that's
enough for the first dog blog post. I'm gonna' go find me some HOT DOGS in the
Food Paradise before Alpha Mom and TW comes home from the Human Vet.
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